Widow – (noun) a woman that has lost her spouse by death and has not remarried; origin (Old English) – widewe – meaning ‘be empty’.
Finding your ideal partner can be difficult, but losing one is horribly tough – and a common cause of loneliness. Widows and face living in an environment filled with material reminders of their loved one which may constantly spark feelings of nostalgia and hurt. Many women are blindsided by this because, as a couple, they didn’t talk about the inevitable.
Not only do you lose the person you love and your partner in life, but your children and grandchildren also lose their father and grandfather. You must deal with all of this by yourself because the one person who is supposed to help you during hard times is gone.
Those who have never experienced the death of a spouse will not understand what you are going through. They can’t.
Becoming a widow was the most terrible thing that ever happened to me. Besides being heartbroken, I didn’t know what to expect or how to deal with some of the things that happened. In the moments when I was most vulnerable, I had to make choices that would have enduring impact on the rest of my life and well-being.
People around me seemed to feel awkward and just didn’t know how to handle the situation. I felt like the whole world was watching me. It was as if what happened to me is what everyone else is afraid of, so they just stare and pray they won’t become you one day.
Being widowed is a special kind of displacement, entirely different from any other kind of separation. You can be excluded from “couple friends”, exiled to the netherworld of single aging women and slimy men. You sometimes almost feel like you don’t exist. Unless you have another widowed friend, as I am ever so fortunate to have, no one really understands you. You are adjusting to a new and scary life. It’s kind of crippling. But you learn along the way.
It may take a long time to go to events alone. This was one of the most difficult things for me. I would go to these events and spend a large part of the evening with a big fake smile on my face, trying not to cry.
Still, I was fortunate enough to have friends and family who were always trying to do whatever they could for me. It made my life a little easier.
It may surprise you to know that, statistically, women are far more likely to be widowed and far less likely to remarry than men. Of the 13 million bereaved spouses in America today, 11 million are women.
As it is, some 800,000 women will lose their spouses this year. They will be cast out into an unkind, unfriendly world of creditors, misunderstanding acquaintances, and overbearing relatives.
You will never be the same person you were before
This is not to say that you will never by happy again – you will. But it is a different kind of happy. You have to re-create your life. The sadness and anger lessen, and you start trying to look at life in a positive way.
One day, you find yourself smiling and laughing with new friends. You will feel comfortable going to a party and you will actually have fun. You may even see the possibility of finding love again.
Losing my husband has become a part of me. It no longer controls my every thought, but I now look at life in a new way. Not bad, or good, simply different. For so long, I only wanted my old life back. I now understand that this is never going to happen. It was exceedingly difficult to accept, but now that I have, I am able to move on to a new chapter. My life is my own again.
You will never forget losing the person you love. It’s not easy, but at some point, you will find a way to create a new life for yourself.
There is another chapter out there waiting for you.
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