Can a Self-Sufficient Woman Actually Have a Happy Single Life?
I was catapulted into singlehood, a status I was not at all fond of, after thirty two years of marriage due to my husband’s death. Quite frankly, I had zero interest in dating or even remotely finding a “replacement” for my late husband. If anything, my focus was on getting myself to a self-sufficient, independent status like so many of the women I am surrounded by and highly admire.
A self-sufficient woman has a strong internal core of control. That is, she has the ability and the desire to determine her own course, to make her own decisions, rather than having their life choices made by a significant other.
Other than my time at work, my days are fully occupied with keeping myself, my home and my interests up to date. Weekends and holidays are largely spent with friends, family and extensions of such. Prior to the pandemic, I travelled quite a bit — whenever and wherever I wanted. When it is safe to travel, I can’t wait to do it again.
It wasn’t long before people started asking if I had “met someone” or whom I was “dating”. This request was almost always received with a disconcerted and quizzical look from me. It was almost as if they believed I couldn’t possibly have a happy life without dating or a significant other.
Why does a self-sufficient single woman have to be dating to live a happy life?
It seems that being independent gives the impression that you don’t need the support you sometimes require so you might end up feeling lonely or depressed. In most cases, this is simply because of the way we were raised. It is considered as something out of our comfort zone.
To be clear, I am as straight as they come and the last time I looked in the mirror, I didn’t get scared. However, I get accused by some peers of not putting myself out there. By ‘putting myself out there’, they are not referring to socializing with people I work with or meeting people while exercising at the park. They are referring to online dating. As if this is something I should resort to.
Unless you’re psychic or looking to date people only for sex or money, dating has become particularly complicated.
Way back when the first modern newspaper was introduced, people bought personal ads to discreetly connect and communicate with one another in hopes of finding love or sex. Later, when the internet was born, it connected us all, personal ads went digital and internet dating was born. Kiss.com became the first modern dating website in 1994, followed by match.com in 1995. By 1996, there are 16 online dating sites listed in Yahoo!’s directory.
In a time when ‘organic’ and ‘authentic’ are the new ‘cool’, dating seems to have gone into retrograde. Today, dating sites and apps have transformed the way Americans meet and develop relationships. A vast plethora of matchmaking platforms are making internet dating in the United States a multi-million-dollar industry.
Can it still happen organically? The parks are still there. We are still exercising. Office socializing is now recommended due to more and more people working from home all week and in need of some personal interaction.
Truth be told, I haven’t been looking for a relationship, just going out with my friends and having fun. If it happens, it happens. What’s normal for these days? I think we have to create it for ourselves.
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