Is it a thing of the past?
It’s hard to believe that, around 20 years ago, it was possible for any of us to personally experience enjoyment from a quiet walk on the beach or the thrill of accomplishing a goal. Just the mere act of getting something accomplished was enough to make us feel good about ourselves without the need for external validation. These moments gave us quiet enjoyment; happiness that comes from within us rather than from anywhere else. If we wanted to share pictures, they wouldn’t arrive for weeks or months.
The prevalence of social media, especially as enabled by ever-present smartphones, has numbed this reward for us. These days it is difficult for most of us to quietly enjoy something beautiful, exciting or gratifying in the moment. Instead of quietly soaking up these moments for our own benefit, we automatically share them with the world, as if seeking validation of our lives, actions or successes.
This type of pursuance for validation doesn’t just affect our impromptu moments. It actually pushes some of us to stage moments for others to see. I’ve recently heard that expecting parents have publicized gender reveal rituals that have led to injuries, wildfires and other damages.
The newest phenomenon is elaborate college acceptance reveals on social media. Many families have extravagant acceptance announcements into professional, made-for-Instagram productions, complete with elaborate backdrops, banners and thousands of dollars of school merchandise on display.
It would be simple to say this is narcissism but, sadly, that is only half the story. Experts are concerned that these public announcements show a cultural dependence on extrinsic motivation. We need affirmation and accolades from others to feel good about our own choices and accomplishments. The truth is, if your satisfaction comes from other people’s approval, you will always need more of it.
There is very clear data on the danger of this trend. People today, especially those in their 20’s and teens, suffer from more loneliness, anxiety and depression than any other era in recorded history. Social media has conditioned us to crave approval externally, and when it disappears, we keep going back for more.
In effect, we enter a vicious cycle. We can’t enjoy finding out about the gender of our baby, feel good about getting into the college of our choice, or admire a beautiful sunset without likes, tweets or approval of others. Not only are we seeking attention and approval from others, those same people who approve of our posts often feel they are missing out on the very things they see us doing.
It seems to me that we desperately need private moments in what has become a very public world. Those moments where we just enjoy ourselves or share the moment with others who are present. The moments when the moment itself, and our quiet enjoyment of it, can be enough.
See if you can have one of those moments this week.
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