How To Get The Most Out Of Your Next Travel Adventure

 

Dreams of travel are often different from actual trips, mostly because you can’t travel away from yourself

The reality of travel often has little to do with what we fantasize it to be. I remember being stuck at the office wrapping up a stressful day at work and fantasizing about being somewhere else. However, the idea of travel is usually a great deal more enjoyable than the reality of it.

In his book, The Art of Travel, Alain De Botton explains that, by taking greater pleasure in little things, be it the miracle of air travel or the beauty of nature, we can find more enjoyment in our travels.

As humans, we are all in a quest for happiness. Some find it through money, others through love. Then there are those of us who seek happiness and meaning in travel. The truth is that travel isn’t the best way to escape from your problems, in fact, wherever you go, there you’ll be — and so will your problems.

While I agree that travel is less glamorous than our fantasies of it, I still believe that it has a world of wonders to reveal. It’s just a matter of adjusting our approach to it.

Let’s face it, the modern means of transportation are much more impressive and mind-boggling than the frigates and steamships of centuries past.

To me, air travel isn’t just amazing. The rush and excitement of being inside a Boeing 747 as it leaves the ground can literally change my perspective. It is a moment that breaks through indifference. Flying higher and watching houses, cars and even my country, become smaller and smaller, is a psychologically healing experience. From up there, everything seems relatively insignificant.

Next thing I know I am among the clouds and their undeniable beauty and three-dimensionality.

The first time I traveled to Europe- which I considered a far-flung destination, I found myself delighting in seemingly mundane things, such as the signs at the airport in French. This was confirmation of an exciting fact: I was in a strange land — an exotic place to me.

According to Botton, exoticism promises an escape from drudgery and boredom. An escape from tedium.

In the old days, travel used to be about exploration, something that modern travel usually isn’t. This is partly because the world has already been explored and the dry facts are offered by a guidebook, leaving people cold. For example, while visiting the Royal Basilica of San Francisco el Grande in Madrid, I might ask the following questions: What first drove people to build churches? Why don’t all churches follow the same design? Why did the architects that designed this church become so successful? Questions like these can promote curiosity that the guidebooks don’t include.

Many people often choose to vacation in the natural world to heal and relax from pollution, traffic and unsightly buildings. Nature is both beneficial to both body and mind. According to William Wordsworth, the British Romantic poet, a critic of city life, humans have a lot to learn from nature, which gives us many examples of patience and endurance. I can attest, after hiking through the north of Spain — the spectacular views made a profound impression on me. I still consider these to be views capable of comforting us for the rest of our days.

Travelers today can benefit from this technique. Look at the beautiful views and really take them in. Later on, when the stresses of city life set in, recall that moment of peace and, hopefully, feel relaxed as you did back then.

For me, writing prods me into paying close attention to every detail. It is this state of focus that helps me appreciate where I am.

Even if you are unable to travel right now, take a walk around your neighborhood. You’re sure to discover parts that you never noticed, forgot about, or failed to fully appreciate. Happy travels!

Are Stress & Sadness The New Sanity?

 

Are we ALL on the way to getting sick when so much around us is toxic?

Between the daily reports of increasing Covid numbers (again), the food we aren’t safe to eat, the unusual and ever-changing climate, the planet we aren’t sure we could save, and the endless unfulfilling hours we spend online, some days it seems like this world is taking a step off a cliff.

I read stories of multitudes of us suffering from deep sorrow, uncontrollable nerves and dark nights of the soul. I have to think the rest of it makes things even worse.

Then there are the underlying issues that are unique to the female population: A new mother sits in an office bathroom stall pumping breast milk, longing for her baby. A woman sits at a bus stop staring at a model in a magazine, rebuking her own butt or belly with a bitterness she would never show anyone else.

As informed as we try to be, it seems like all of us who believe that what makes us truly beautiful — our intelligence, compassion, sense of humor, and kindness — hardly matters.

It makes you wonder if those of us that are not already anxious or depressed aren’t headed that way as a result of this destructive culture we live in.

Some days it makes me think that the culture itself is making it more difficult for those who are already ill to heal. Maybe we are all on our way to getting sick when so much around us is toxic.

Maybe one day we’ll decide that this is not the way to be. Maybe we will realize that we are a species with enviable minds and hearts that are more good than bad. Maybe we’ll realize that the big gifts are the sun and the moon and the love we can give to as many as will accept it. That we have the resources within us to fix this mess.

Maybe then we can live in a world that feels good and makes sense and we will be eager to get out of bed.

Maybe then the anxious and depressed will realize there’s nothing wrong with them, but what’s wrong with the world?

How To Live On Solo Security

 

Essentials for living alone in self-sufficiency

Are you living by yourself? Join the club! Over the past decade, the number of adults ages 45 to 64 living alone has grown by over 20 percent. In 2020, worldwide numbers reached 330 million people.

Solo dwellers say they enjoy freedom, independence, and privacy of living alone. However, most of them want to know that friends and/or family are close by.

While independence and self-reliance are skills that are essential for living solo, it’s also important to have good connections with others. Even us introverts need to have people in our lives. Interacting with others keep us engaged and aware in our daily lives.

People with meaningful life connections tend to be active and live healthier lives overall.

We all need a sense of security. When it comes to living solo, I believe there is strength in numbers. It’s important to know that help will be available when we need it. This becomes more important as we get older. As a single woman, I need to consider where and how I live, how I will stay engaged with the world around me, and how I will make sure I have a support system in case of an emergency.

We need to maintain quality of life, create community, take care of our health and still have independence as we get older.

I believe no one wants to be without a support system or rely on others for their financial wellbeing. These issues affect all women, solo or not.

We need to find ways to create a supportive community as we get older. Lucky for us, women are great builders of community. I have become skilled at meeting new people and creating connections over the years. Now it’s time to put those skills to the test.

For me, it has been hiking in groups and book clubs. I found that when I’ve joined groups that are centered on an activity; I surround myself with people who share those interests.

These activities also provide a chance to learn new skills and have social get-togethers on a regular basis.

Social media also makes it easy to find activities and groups.

Another way of creating a sense of community and satisfaction is by volunteering or getting involved in a political campaign. This allows opportunities to meet new people with similar passion and perspective.

Freedom Is My Gift For Getting Old

 

Reasons why getting older is a party to be savored…

When I was growing up in the 1960s, I was taught to never trust anyone over 30. That worked great when I was 19, 20 and 21. By the time I approached 31, 40, 50, 60 and beyond, it has been a different story.

I have the freedom to speak my mind

When I express my opinion, I am given a bit of respect because I am an older woman. I’m not so old as to be considered ‘elderly,’ but I do have opinions that are sometimes listened to.

I noticed that I have given up the need to be right. When I don’t have to be right all the time, I can listen to the story of the other person involved. I can accept and love without judgment. I have the ability to listen and learn with the acceptance that the universe is so much larger than my own views.

Now there is also the experience factor. I have lived through enough difficulties in life that when someone asks advice about a difficult situation at home — they are more likely to listen to me because I may have lived through it in my own life.

I always aim to focus on the positive possibilities of every challenge, lending encouragement and support to others. In my family relationships, peculiarities are tolerated because my family says, “Oh, that’s just how she is.” The few friends I have who matter know me and accept me with grace and humor. I call this freedom!

I have the freedom to follow my passions

During my years working in the corporate world, there were societal expectations. There were paths to take in order to gain a promotion and make adequate money to fund my life and the life of my family.

I made a good start on that path, then decided to go into business for myself.

I then had the freedom to make it look any way I wanted it to look. I worked on my own terms in a way that made sense in my life at the time. It was rewarding to meet with those that were starting out and encourage them in their careers.

I am free to pick up other interests, too. I decided to try my hand at writing and became a blog writer to see what kind of following I could generate. I have a set workout and self-care routine in place and follow it consistently. I started a non-profit organization where we collect donations of unwanted purses, fill them with toiletries, and hand them out to homeless women on the street. I have a bucket list and travel several times a year. I never had the time or undivided mind to do this before.

I am freer to give my time to causes I believe in. I no longer have the guilt over taking time from my family to do the things I want. Now I’m busy, they are busy, and we’re all happy.

I have freedom to forgive

As I get older, I realize I am not interested in holding grudges. If I have many years left or only a few, I won’t waste those years holding grudges that were largely meaningless. I would rather spend my energy accepting and loving the people around me.

Finally, I can forgive myself for all the stupid things I did when I was young- and there were many. I can look with love at that young person and be grateful for the growth I have gained.

I have developed a deep appreciation for what I encountered and survived. It is now is a blessing to be able to encourage others in their difficulties, assuring them that peace can lie ahead for them.

I no longer see a reason to dread getting older but, rather, go there gracefully. The road is open. A tremendous freedom to be enjoyed lies ahead indeed. The way I see it, from here on it’s all a party — the golden years, as they say .

Won’t you come along and join me?

How Writers Find Moments Of Peace

 

4 Anxious writers share how they found moments of peace

When American novelist, Karen E. Bender, writer of the story collection, Refund, was a sophomore in college, she developed anxiety attacks related to her final exams. She claims what helped her the most was when her friend Margaret pointed to a giant textbook on the floor and advised her to give it á little boot”. Of course she was joking but Karen took her advice and kicked it. She saw the absurdity of the situation. A friend who jokes with you in a time of pain can help you remember the person you were before-and the strong person you will eventually become again.

Laura Hillenbrand, bestselling author of Seabiscuit, spent decades largely housebound by illness. One fall, she decided to take a cross-country drive to move to Oregon. She was terrified due to the enormous risk to her health this trip would entail, so she decided to ask her friends to send quotes that would give her courage and faith in herself. Their words lifted her and carried her through. As it turns out, what she feared would be an ordeal became a magical adventure.

Last year, Helen Oyeyemi, British author of What Is Not Yours Is Not Yours, put a bit more strain on her nerves than she was willing to admit. Then one day she was on a plane and sat next to a kindly lady and felt extremely cold, a feeling she equated with losing control. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep. Her seatmate tenderly tucked a blanket around her, with a few little pats to ensure complete coverage. She claims that the warmth of that gesture had a greater effect than the blanket itself.

Margo Rabb, author of Lucy Clark Will Not Apologize, moved four times after her daughter was born as they coped with job layoffs and tried to forge a life that balanced work and family. During all these upheavals, she discovered that no matter how long they stayed in one place, she could soothe her unsettled and rootless feelings by planting a small flower garden. She claims that, as each plant bloomed, she began to see the beauty — and to set down roots — even in a temporary home.

When you look within yourself, do you see peace or conflict? I consider inner peace to be a major life accomplishment. In todayś world, it can be hard to feel peaceful. We should all work towards a life of harmony and seek a calm spirit.

What The Camino Provided For Me

 

A transformative experience

In August of 2018, I set out on a hiking journey across the north of Spain on the Camino de Santiago-a network of walking trails serving pilgrimage to the shrine of the apostle Saint James the Great in the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain.

I was told time and time again by those who have walked it that “the Camino provides” -I didn’t know at the time that this trip would bookend a major turning point in my life.

Not only did I walk alone, I walked daily, carrying all my belongings in a backpack, following waymarkers on the side of the road, sleeping at “albergues” (communal hostels) along the way without any advance reservations. To add to that; I was not a young woman. The Camino showed me is that it is possible to be exhilarated and terrified at the same time. I learned that this was what ¨truly feeling alive¨was like.

One of the first lessons the Camino provided for me is the value of time alone and that we are never really alone. I discovered that walking for extended periods of time produced great mental clarity. It felt amazing. I felt a connection to myself. I learned that there’s nothing wrong with singing out loud in the forest and hearing your echo or crying out and letting go of all the negative thoughts can feel so freeing. I discovered the magic of the forest.

I realized that I still had the time and resources to start writing- something I had wanted to do since I was a child-before life got in the way. I had thousands of stories percolating in my mind. I learned that it is impossible to hold both fear and gratitude in the brain at the same time. It can only be one or the other.

I did not know that, by being on the Camino, I was putting myself in a place to be irrevocably touched in such a mystical way. For the rest of my life I will be on a search for a transformative experience like this.

There is a lot to be said about the notion of creating our lives with the experiences met on any given day. That was life on the Camino.

There are way markers in life, as in the Camino, if we just bothered to look for them and paid attention to their arrival in all their subtle forms.

Are You Ready For The Second Half?

 

It’s like being given another January 1st

Each year around Thanksgiving I make a list of things I want to accomplish for the following year. I give myself the month of December to inspect the list many times and determine if I should add or delete any items. By the time January arrives, I have my goals lined up.

Most years, this was a ridiculous list and I would look at it January 1, close it January 2nd, and not open it again until December 31st when I realized I didn’t hit any of them.

But this year I played the game differently.

When they do this in the corporate world, they have meetings at regular intervals to track goals. So I had a meeting with myself every Monday and check-in and track about a dozen different metrics — all little pieces of my annual goals.

This weekly practice has been a great help for me. It makes me feel like I’m giving my personal and professional goals the same level of importance as the goals of the corporate world.

Which brings me to July. And we are already a few days in. It’s almost like I’ve been given a second January 1st. We’re already halfway through 2021 and I’ve taken this time to recalibrate and check-in with my annual goals.

It’s time to see where I’m on track, where I’m off, and where I excel.

In the next meeting I got to thinking that there’s no reason I can’t issue myself a mulligan and start the year new with a do-over. After all, it’s my life. I’m thinking I can re-issue myself whatever goals I want, when I want. That’s a powerful feeling.

So maybe the first half of the year didn’t go as planned and some of my goals were blown out of the water.

I took 30 minutes to myself and make like it’s January 1st all over again and I’m just getting started. The glass is not half-empty.

I have a sense of accomplishment and self-assuredness that I haven’t had in previous years. In fact, I already met a few of my annual goals. But there are so many more to go.

ILLUMINATION

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Living Seasonally

 

A change of season can be a powerful change of mindset

I was born on an island in the Caribbean and migrated to the northeast United States by age nine. To this day, I feel like the northeast is where my childhood started. I may as well have been born there. That is where I felt at home and still do.

During the six or so years that I lived in the northeast, I saw how difficult it was for my parents to adjust to working and living a daily life-not only in a foreign country, but in an area with real winters and seasons that changed. They complained constantly but I was in heaven. Eventually, they got their way. By the time I was fifteen, my family moved to southeast Florida and I, not being old enough to have a choice, moved with them.

I wasn’t aware then that the change in seasons can influence your body’s melatonin and serotonin-the natural substances that play a role in sleep timing and moods. It can have even more serious repercussions than dry skin and weight gain. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, can cause major depressive episodes, usually beginning in late fall or early winter. This is when the days are shorter and exposure to sun is at its lowest.

There is even evidence of seasonal peaks in suicides, which occur more frequently in summer, and birth rates, which also tend to peak in spring and summer.

Even though spring and summer can bring in a time of adventure and outdoor exploration, stress and anxiety levels often rise in autumn, when routines and busy schedules resume.

Soon after we moved to south Florida I learned that, as the Earth continues its path around the sun, days become shorter and nights lengthen, with the change becoming mainly pronounced in the higher latitudes, but remaining nonexistent at the areas closer to the equator, which is where I now live.

While I’ve made a life for myself in Florida, I find myself missing those changes of season more and more as I get older.

There was something special about having a change of seasons. It helped me move forward in life whether good things or bad things happened. Sometimes I experienced better moods just because of a change of seasons. I believe that the power of nature reconnects us with some of our routines that were lost in the previous season. The change of season affected how I dressed, what sport I watched and what holiday gathering I would attend. It affected how I lived. I would get excited about the snow, having meaningful gatherings at Easter, gardening or tending to the earth, and going outside just to sit in the sun after a long winter. I was part of nature doing it’s thing!

Living seasonally lends itself to personal reflection. It allows us to take a moment and focus upon the positive effects that nature has upon us. We can let the positive aspects of nature affect our attitudes and influence our moods and behavior. We can work at developing positive thinking and transform it into positive reinforcement of others. We can get outside of ourselves and become more “other” oriented.

For me, the shifting of the seasons brings about a lot of change and with change there can be a lot of beauty. Whenever change does occur, expected or not, it can be uplifting, encouraging, and amazing.

Maybe someday...

How To Have An Affair With Your Art

 

Why put pressure on your art to deliver money or fame?

For many years I’ve heard about the cliche of artists living the “creative life” -enjoying the whimsical, carefree lives of bohemian parties and no “proper job” to be had.

I have personal friends who have lived out this cliche and, in effect, suffocated their own creativity when forced to use their art to pay the bills. Having to produce art that sells because your next meal or rent payment depends on it is not the least bit inspirational.

Good news! There is another way!

It isn’t the most interesting or exciting way of getting around it but it works. Instead of becoming a sell-out, consider supporting a creative career while you keep your day job. This might feel like a cop-out, or you may feel like you’re not passionately committed to your art. The point is that balancing your day job with your art can, in fact, inspire more passion: you may just want to imagine you’re having an affair with your art!

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that 1993 Nobel prize winner-Toni Morrison and J. K. Rowling both delighted in affairs with their writing.

The thought of stealing away from my normal life for a few hours each day, giving me the time and space to write, sounds exhilarating! Hours like this can become rituals we look forward to, and can keep us going, even when the mundaneness of daily work life gets us down.

By keeping your day job, you’ll also be giving yourself a safety net to be creative without the pressure of the cost of living depending on it. Since success in any art is never guaranteed, why put pressure on your art to deliver money or fame? We all know that high expectations can sop up the fun out of creativity.

If you want the freedom and inspiration to create freely and without fear of disappointing yourself, allow yourself the security to do so with backup options and just have an affair!