8 Smart Ways to Curb Your Emotional Spending

 

Put more money in your wallet and less clutter in your home

We live in a culture of consumption. There are so many small tricks that companies are using to try to get us to spend more money in their stores. Everything from putting bargain-priced items and deals at the end of grocery store isles to putting the higher priced, name brand items at eye level on the shelves, to ‘buy one get one free’ deals at clothing stores.

And it’s not just companies, society too often tells us that we need this product or that product to be happier and more satisfied with ourselves and our lives. But often these little impulse buys that we’re making on the spur of the moment are not really adding any benefit to our life whatsoever. In fact, they’re causing us to waste money and have more clutter around our home.

What is emotional spending?

Emotional spending or impulse buying is anytime you buy an item that you were not planning on purchasing. Impulse buys can happen anywhere — at the grocery store, at the mall or even while you’re scrolling on your phone while sitting in the comfort of your own home. How many times have you grabbed a candy bar at the check-out aisle at the grocery store just because it was there?

How many times have you had a bad day and you told yourself ‘I’m gonna go get some dinner or some ice cream to cheer myself up’? On the other hand, maybe you had a great day and decided to go get some ice cream or some dinner to reward myself. These are all examples of impulse buys.

Treating yourself every once in a while is fun, but only when it fits in your budget. Regular impulse spending is not a good financial habit.

What causes people to impulse buy stuff that they don’t need?

There are two main reasons; first there are your emotions — both negative and positive emotions can make you want to buy things that we don’t need. The other main reason that I’ve seen is financial FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Maybe you feel like you’re missing out on a great deal if you don’t get it right then and there because i’ts only for a limited time. You may also have a scarcity mindset and you’re afraid you may run out of something or you might not have that item at home.

Noticing your past track record with impulse buying will help you see patterns of behavior. When you start noticing these patterns of behavior, it’s going to become easier for you to pinpoint the exact set of circumstances that causes you to want to impulse buy. That’s going to help you to stop the impulse buying in the future.

Getting clear on your goals is one of the best ways to prevent impulse buys. It’s a lot easier to say ‘no’ to impulse buys if you’re trying to save money to pay off debt or put a down payment on a new home. Those clear goals are going to make you feel good every time you have to say ‘no’ to yourself.

Research says you become 42% more likely to achieve your goals and dreams, simply by writing them down.

Start noticing the messaging and the people that you’re surrounding yourself with. Are they encouraging you to make impulse buys or are they encouraging you to be more mindful and intentional with your buying and save money? By raising your awareness of the messaging that is being presented to you on a daily basis, you can start being more aware and have an easier time saying ‘no’ when you see those items.

Identify your personal spending triggers. Notice the emotions that you feel that make you want to spend money. Maybe it’s when you’re upset, or when you’re bored and you scroll on your phone and impulsively buy things. If you cannot resist the dollar isle at Target, try to keep your blinders on and walk right past it. If you know that boredom is something that makes you want to spend money, instead of scrolling on your phone, take a walk, watch a movie, or do anything else that is going to prevent you from ‘doomscrolling’.

Audit what you already have before you go to the store. This applies to everything but especially the grocery store. Do an audit of what you already have before going to the grocery store to prevent from buying items you don’t need. When buying clothes, take a look at what you have in your closet and only buy something if it compliments the pieces that you already have.

Wait a period of time before you make a purchase. Give yourself time to think about whether this item really ads value to your life and what place it would have in your home.

Challenge yourself to a spending freeze. This is when you designate a set period of time ( 7 days, 30 days, 1 year) when you are not going to spend any money whatsoever except for the essentials. This means no Starbucks, shopping for clothing, movies, out to eat. You can use a calendar for this and cross out the days that you’re successful. This really helps you examine and question what you really need in your life. You’re going to realize you’re spending a lot more money on things that are ‘wants’ and not ‘needs’.

Unsubscribe from brands or people that make you want to spend money. I get an overflow of emails from the stores I’ve shopped at- offering me deals as an incentive (buy one get one free, $5 off coupons, etc. ) to get me back into their store to spend more money. Chances are I wasn’t thinking about spending until I saw that email in my inbox.

When you shop without planning to, you’re putting your financial health at risk.

When you learn to control impulse buying, you can potentially have more time, more money and more freedom to do the things that you want to do and have the things that you want to have without having these unnecessary impulse buys clutter up your home.

Things We Will Always Regret Buying

 

Look around. All that clutter used to be money. All that money used to be time…

How many of us have purchased something and brought it home, only to immediately regret it? Then the item just sits there and every time we look at it, we feel really guilty thinking about the money, the space, and the time we wasted purchasing this item.

Buyer’s remorse is so common and most of us have experienced it.

For example — furniture that doesn’t fit. Buying the wrong furniture is a big, and often very expensive, mistake to make. There are so many reasons why furniture might not “fit” in your home. It might not fit because you didn’t take careful measurements before you purchased that item. You may not have stopped to think about how that thing was going to look in the space when paired with the rest of things that you own. Maybe you went outside your personal style or your comfort zone because you heard that something was really trendy, but then you started to regret it.

You can help prevent buyer’s remorse when purchasing furniture by thinking carefully about the practicality of that item and how it’s going to fit in your home and taking careful measurements before you buy that item.

If the pain of maintaining something outweighs the joy of owning it, you’re going to regret that purchase. Such is the case with high maintenance items. If something says “hand wash only”, it may be an instant ‘no’ for you. Do yourself a favor and be realistic about what you are and are not willing to do before you make a purchase that requires a lot of upkeep.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve bought uncomfortable shoes. I knew that they were uncomfortable before I left the store but I told myself they were going get comfortable once I get them worn in. Guess what? Those shoes were never comfortable. If shoes don’t feel comfortable in the store, it’s probably not going to be worth the expense and the pain that you’re going to go through trying to wear those shoes if they ever get worn in.

Have you ever bought clothes that were a size or two too small but you told yourself that they were going to look amazing on you because you were going to lose ten pounds or five pounds (guilty!)? Maybe you didn’t feel comfortable in a particular piece of clothing because it was outside of your normal style but you felt like trying something new. If so, you have fallen victim to the fantasy self.

The fantasy self is an aspirational or idealized image of the you that you want to be. But when you buy fantasy self clothing, you are almost always going to regret it because you aren’t shopping for your real authentic self.

See How To Declutter your Fantasy Self

Some items cause friction in a relationship between you and someone else in your household. These are called contentious items. Sometimes your mate or partners don’t see eye to eye on some items. It’s often big ticket items like cars or a new home. Part of being in a relationship is compromise and if one party or the other feels like they got screwed over or your financial future is in danger because of a purchase, it’s not exactly a winning scenario.

If something is causing more anxiety and stress than it has potential benefits, it better to just walk away and find something that you can come together and agree on.

Impulse buys happen on the spur of the moment — anytime you make an unplanned purchase. You see something that you didn’t know you needed until you spotted that one thing. But once you see it, you just have to have it. This happens to everyone.

One of the great things about minimalism is it helps you be more intentional about almost every aspect of your life — from how you spend your time to how you spend your money. If we can raise our awareness of this topic, we can reduce the chances of making one of these “buyers remorse” purchases in the future.

How to Declutter your Fantasy Self

 

Try this for a happier and more authentic you…

Fantasy self? What is a fantasy self? And why is it a good idea to declutter your fantasy self?

Most of us have things that we would like to change about ourselves for good or bad. It could be our financial situation. It could be our appearance. It could be the relationship that we have with ourselves and the people around us.

A ‘fantasy self’ is a highly-idealized image that you hold of yourself and how you want others to perceive you as being.

A lot of times people purchase items that feed into a desire to achieve the fantasy self that they have up on a pedestal. Most of the time, they end up not using them and they’re stuck in a corner or stuffed in drawers. These items just end up taking up space in our homes, our lives, our minds and weighing us down from achieving real true happiness and being our true selves. This can cause a lot of negative emotions like guilt and anxiety.

This is not to say that it’s impossible to learn new skills or to try to become a better version of yourself. But if you have items laying around your home that you haven’t used or haven’t touched in 6 months, a year, 10 years or even (in my case) 30 years, letting them go can be really rewarding and healing. It can even help you get in better touch with your most authentic self.

Clothing is one those items. How many times have you gone out and purchased an item of clothing or a pair of shoes because someone told you or you read in a magazine that this was THE thing to have? This is the thing that’s going to give you confidence, raise your self-esteem and make you feel like your most perfect self walking around. I have actually thrifted items that I knew were too small because I told myself that someday I was going to be back to my ideal weight and I was going to fit into those things. Guess what? I never did fit into those things! Sound familiar?

Exercise equipment is a big fantasy self item that you can declutter right now. Treadmills, ellipticals, bands, weights; all of those things we purchase with the best of intentions and then feel guilty about not using them.

When you’re trying to instill good fitness habits, it’s important to find things that fit into your life and that you enjoy doing. If you don’t enjoy doing it, you’re not going to use it.

Then there are books. You probably have books that you’ve bought and you haven’t read. Also, books that you started to read halfway and then you stopped because you just weren’t feeling good about the book. There may be books that you read but you’ll probably never read again because you didn’t enjoy it or it didn’t resonate with you.

“If you missed your chance to read a particular book, even if it was recommended to you or it’s one you’ve been intending to read for ages, this is your chance to let it go. You may have wanted to read it when you bought it, but if you haven’t read it by now, the book’s purpose was to teach you that you didn’t need it. There’s no need to finish books that you only got halfway through. Their purpose was to be read halfway. So get rid of all those unread books. It would be better for you to read a book that really grabs you right now than one that you left to gather dust for years.” Marie Kondo — The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Kitchen appliances and cookbooks are another item. How many cookbooks or kitchen appliances have you purchased with the best of intentions, then you end up not using them but they’re just taking up space.

If your fantasy self is a master chef but you can only make a grilled cheese sandwich, maybe it’s time to look at what works for your current self in your kitchen right now.

The social Media fantasy self is huge! This can be very toxic. We see people having these amazing lives, taking these amazing pictures, traveling to amazing places and we might start to feel bad about ourselves because we are not doing those things.

What we have to remember is that social media is real but it isn’t reality.

If you are following someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, that you are comparing yourself with them and coming up short, you should unfollow that person and protect your happiness.

What about sentimental items? We may look like what we were like in the past, who we were in the past and fondly remember those times. We may want to hold on to things that remind us of those times. But maybe they aren’t something that we are currently using or that make us happy when we look at them now. If you’re holding something from the past because it made you happy then, but it’s not something that fits your current lifestyle, or that makes you happy and use on a daily basis right now, maybe you could consider letting it go.

Letting go of sentimental items can be extremely difficult, but it can be also extremely rewarding and cathartic and healing to finally let go.

Gym Memberships and subscriptions are something we sign up for with all the good intentions in the world. Maybe we use them at the beginning of the year and then we fall off the wagon.

Maybe you’re not at the point where you could go touring in Europe but you can order this wine subscription box that delivers wine to you every month and pretend! Then we find that we don’t really enjoy the wines that they’re picking for us and it just feels like a waste of money, but you feel guilty about wasting the money.

Take the time to think about what subscriptions and memberships you are currently enrolled in, write them down and see what you actually use and what you can consider getting rid of.

Take a look at your hobby and craft supplies and see if there is anything in there that is taking up space that you just don’t need anymore.

A lot of times our fantasy self is rooted in outward appearances. So it makes sense that makeup, haircare and skincare would be a big part of that. Curling irons, straighteners, hair care products, jade rollers, cellulite brushes, massagers — all these things promise us that we have to use them to feel better about ourselves. But if, for some reason, they don’t work or we don’t enjoy using them or we don’t see any results, it’s ok to let these items go.

One of the more insidious fantasy self items is technology. It has the ability to make our lives extremely awesome and convenient. But it also has the power to make us miserable, depending on how we use it.

When you suffer from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), every time your phone buzzes, you check your social media because you don’t want to miss anything that’s happening. When you’re bored, you end up scrolling mindlessly for hours, refreshing over and over again to see what’s going on in the news and in your friend’s lives. It’s like an endless hamster wheel.

Is there anything that you could declutter because you’re not using it or because it makes you feel bad about yourself? Do you still have any broken tech, gaming stuff, gadgets, cd’s, DVD's, cameras?

Take a look at the technology that you’re surrounding yourself with and think of where you can trim the fat.

I hope that you have enjoyed this list of fantasy self items that you can declutter and be the most authentic and happiest version of you. All of these things will take time but it is an immensely rewarding process.

The Underrated Self-Care Activities

 

They will improve your life…

Self-care usually refers to drinking enough water, getting in your nutrition and getting enough sleep.

There are, however, more underrated and undervalued self-care activities that, if you integrate them into your everyday life, will improve your life.

High-quality connection time. Earlier in my life, I thought that connecting was a waste of time. Seeing people was great but it was also a distraction to doing things — like an interruption. Over time, I’ve had a radical shift in thinking on this subject. Now, I think that spending time with friends and family is one of the most important self-care activities that you can integrate into your life.

At some point in my life, I started paying attention to what lifted me up and what brought me down. I started connecting my feelings with the activity that I was doing and the people that I was spending time with in my day. Consistently, I found out that spending high quality time with a good friend, having a good conversation would uplift me so much.

High quality connection allows me to talk about my feelings and not be judged. Connection, to me, is as essential a self-care activity as exercise and eating well.

Research says a lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure. Connection can strengthen your immune system, help you recover from sickness faster and lengthen your life. Feeling low in social connection makes you more vulnerable to anxiety, depression and anti-social behavior.

Connection doesn’t necessarily mean having lots of conversations throughout the week. You can have 100 friends and still feel very disconnected. Connection is more about how you feel internally. Whether you feel you are understood; whether you feel like you are part of something.

“Sustained proximity is the best route to the soul of someone” Frank Bruni

Difficult conversations are necessary for a good life and they are an essential self-care activity. If you’re not having difficult conversations with your friends, your family or your partner about things like your boundaries and your needs and your relationship, your life will be worse off for it. With difficult conversations, sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don’t get what you want- despite how delicately you approach it, you get a poor reaction.

Regardless of the outcome, difficult conversations are necessary because of how they make you feel and how they set you up to have more difficult conversations in the future. If you’re not raising your problems, they will come out in other ways. You’ll be more reserved when you speak to a person. You might have more passive/aggressive tendencies. You might make little remarks just as jabs because of the underlying issues that you haven’t addressed in a conversation. This is a self-care activity that is definitely not comparable to a bubble bath but they are an essential self-care activity in our life.

If you are always avoiding thinking about your problems, your struggles and your decision, it will lead to procrastinating and losing out on important opportunities. Big decisions will be made for you because you didn’t make a decision at all and words that you should’ve said will be left unsaid.

This is where thinking time comes in. The next time that you come across a decision to make, schedule time just to be thinking on that subject. Thinking about things can feel like a waste of time but it can also be life-changing.

If your mind is always overwhelmed by the tasks that you need to do, the projects you have unfinished and all the little “to-do’s” , you are not going to be a functioning, healthy, happy human being. The best way to remove that overwhelm is to get into the practice of regularly organizing your mind. Just like cleaning and tidying your house is a self-care activity, so is organizing your mind.

A brain dump as a form of psychological self care is a good starting point when it comes to organizing your mind. This could be done in the form of journaling, bullet journaling, or a well-kept “to do” app.

Getting life admin done is important as well. I see life admin as getting the small things done — setting appointments, cleaning out your pantry, etc.

Self-care motivates us to take better care of ourselves, make better choices, practice forgiveness and acceptance, and be compassionate with ourselves. All things that make us better partners, parents, friends, co-workers, and just better all-around people.

How To Detox Your Feelings

 

Feeling overwhelmed? It’s time for a detox!

Overwhelm starts in your mind. Stress and anxiety can be very isolating and it’s a sensitive subject to discuss — even with your closest friends and family members. It makes it easy to think that you are alone in dealing with these issues. It feels like you are somehow weaker or you’re falling behind.

A recent study found that 92% of working moms and 89% of stay-at-home moms felt overwhelmed by work, home and parenting responsibilities.

Statistics tell us that these types of issues are very common. Our beliefs that others are doing better than us and that we are falling behind or we’re failing can shape our inner voices into our own worse enemies.

Say nice things to yourself. Most of us say things to ourselves when we’re feeling down that we would never dream of telling another person whom we know is feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. So, why do we feel like we can talk to ourselves like this?

Know that you are not alone. If you can’t say positive things to yourself, at least commit to not saying negative things or talking down to yourself. Remember when your Mom told you — “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything”? This applies to your own inner voice as well.

Make the bed. Making the bed first thing in the morning should be the cornerstone of your self-help routine. If you make the bed first thing in the morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. it will give you a small sense of pride and accomplishment at the start or your day and it helps you to get motivated to do other tasks. It can give you a small sense of order that can set off a chain of events and help you be more productive. When you get to the end of the day and you look back, you can see all the things that you were able to accomplish. Little habits like this make a huge difference over time.

Say no. This may come as a shocker but, you’ve been lied to your entire life. The magic word is not “please”. The magic word is “no”. It is perfectly ok, when you’re stressed out and overwhelmed, to say no to things in order to take things off your plate.

In many cases, when you say “no” to one thing, you’re saying “yes” to something else. Say “yes” to the things that are really going to move the needle forward for you and “no” to the things that you don’t have the time and the energy for.

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough” Josh Billings

The ability to say “no” is very underrated and a very healthy habit that we all need to develop more.

Done is better than perfect. The trick is to get the things done that you need to get done. Keep focused on moving forward so that you can keep building the momentum that’s going to accomplish what you need to accomplish and be less stressed out and overwhelmed at the end of the day.

Write down your “big three”. When life gets overwhelming, there are two natural responses; I’m either completely paralyzed and stuck or I’m running around like crazy and not really accomplishing anything. I find that, in these moments, what works for me is to make a “big three” list. This is the list where I identify “what are the three things that are essential for me to have accomplished by the end of the day?” Until I have accomplished those 3 things, I don’t even think about doing anything else. If I have extra time, I can try and get some more things done or I can take a break and relax.

Limit distractions. I love Netflix and You Tube. I usually watch them while I’m doing other things at home. But it definitely makes me less efficient. I sometimes want to pause and take a seat back or rewind and see something again. When you’re overwhelmed, you should limit distractions like this because our brains are not wired for heavy duty multitasking and when you’re overwhelmed, the extra noise can sometimes be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

It’s advisable that, when you’re overwhelmed, take off your phone’s notifications and leave it in a drawer, don’t have the TV running in the background and really allow yourself to focus on the task that you need to complete. When you’re able to focus more fully, you’re going to get a lot more done.

Take care of future you. This can be an effective technique to save time and energy in the future with minimal effort in the now. Plan ahead. If you have a slow work week this week but know that you have a busy week next week, maybe you can take care of some of those tasks now so that you don’t go crazy the following week.

If you’re making meals, make a little extra or a double batch so that you have leftovers for the busy times. Meal planning also makes meals and grocery shopping easier going forward. We are not trying to work harder, we’re trying to work smarter.

Ask for help. This is especially hard for me to do. Sometimes we are literally drowning in anxiety and we are still not willing to ask for help. I know I have friends and family that are constantly offering their help and I still don’t ask. But I’m learning (and I know they are reading this). The choice to ask can sometimes be a life saving choice. Don’t forget, you can also hire help when you need it.

I hope some of these ideas help you stay “cool as a cucumber” no matter what life throws at you.

How to Maintain your Self-Esteem

 

When we know our worth and who we are, the outside world will align with us.

Self confidence and self-esteem are the essential things for being successful in life. It is something we should pursue actively. Because we cannot control the way people react to something we say or do, we need to build our self-esteem from the inside out.

One way to do this is to come up with at least ten positive attributes. What aspects of yourself do you like? What are you already good at? Keep this list on you at all times and read it each time you feel low.

Look at all the things you have already achieved in your life and visualize everything that is still to come. Be positive and optimistic. Stop thinking negatively about where you are today.

Develop an attitude of gratitude. Take this practice seriously because it can change your life. Every morning and night, say thanks for all you already have and for the unique things that have happened during the past day. You will be surprised how much there is to be grateful for. Even when life seems down-in-the-dumps, you can be grateful for being alive, having a roof over your head, enough food to eat, clean water to drink, etc. We take things for granted but we have so much already.

Set smart goals for yourself. Start by writing your goals, dreams, and desires down. Do this in as much detail as possible. Next, determine their priority and start working on your biggest goal. Break it down into small achievable steps. Go through that list every single day until it becomes a daily habit. Make sure to cross off and celebrate each time you meet a goal.

Don’t wait to see when something will happen, be proactive, make things happen. Imagine what it will be like when you have achieved what you want and allow this to fuel your motivation and determination. Tell other people about your plans so they can hold you accountable.

Helping other people feel good about themselves will bolster your confidence. Making each person feel that he/she is significant will bring forth amazing results in your life and theirs.

Sometimes it helps to improve your circle of influence. By joining social clubs, organizations or business networks, you are likely to find successful, confident people. Mixing with the right people and establishing good social contacts can give you assurance.

Hobbies or sports can increase your self-confidence. It’s all about finding balance in life. Also, it can help you keep your health strong. It’s the foundation for a sound body and a clear mind. Not having health problems and feeling good, plays a significant part in your self-esteem and gaining balance in life.

Failures and disappointments often result in low self-esteem. Learn from your failures. When we don’t achieve our goals, we get frustrated and can get negative about our capabilities. This does not help. The difference between winners and losers is the speed at which they can get up and learn from their failures. It’s important to know that failures are part of life. The best way to overcome them is by learning the lessons they offer us.

A coach or mentor can be help. Also, involving yourself in positive atmospheres such as those of self-improvement seminars can help you find purpose and gain self-esteem and feel confident. Reading self-help books and listening to audio programs helps. However, the most successful method is coaching as it gives you someone who holds you accountable.

I’ve been a believer in self-help for as long as I can remember and can attest to the fact that they do, indeed, work. We are living in a complicated world. However, these days, there are so many sources available. Surely there is one that will work for you. Why not give it a try?