Sound Advice from a 70+ Year Old

 

I was recently having lunch with one of my friends who has crossed 70 and is on her way towards 80. I decided to ask her what sort of changes she is feeling in herself. Her answers were as follows:

She began by telling me that after loving her parents, her siblings, her spouse, her children and her friends, she has now started loving herself.

She is now certain that she is not “Atlas” and the world does not rest on her shoulders.

During her weekly visits to the farmers market, she has stopped bargaining with the fruit and vegetable vendors. A few pennies more is not going to break her, she says, but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

My friend no longer tells the elderly that they’ve already narrated a story many times. In fact, the story makes them enjoy a walk down memory lane and relive their past. Also, she has leaned not to correct people when they are wrong. It is not her responsibility to make everyone perfect. Peace is more perfect than perfection.

One of the things I’ve always loved about my friend is that she gives compliments freely and generously. She says compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for her. By the way, a small tip for the recipient of a compliment is to never, NEVER, turn it down, just say “Thank You”.

One of the things she has struggled to learn is to not be embarrassed by her emotions. It’s her emotions that make her human. She learned that it’s better to drop her ego than to break a relationship. Her ego will keep her aloof, whereas with relationships, she will never be alone.

Our waitress received a large tip from my friend. The extra tip might bring a smile to the waitress’s face. Chances are she is toiling much harder for a living than my friend is.

She is doing what makes her happy. She is responsible for her happiness, and she owes it to herself. Happiness is a choice. You can be happy at anytime, just choose to be! She has learned to live each day as if it’s the last because, after all, it might be.

The question is, why do we have to wait to be 60, 70 or 80, why can’t we practice this at any stage and age?

No matter how old one becomes, no matter how many years pass, we have yet more ages and more stages awaiting us.

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Precious Moments

This week, I finished reading “Chasing Daylight” by Eugene O’Kelly, where he ultimately chronicled the last leg of his amazing journey. It was a difficult and emotional read about O’Kelly’s final moments with his loved ones.

In 2005, Eugene Kelly was 53 and on top of the world. He was CEO of a major accounting firm after working his way there from an accounting assistant in 1972.

As many global CEOs do, he was traveling the world, working 90 hour weeks, schmoozing potential clients on flights all the way to Australia to land an account and turning around and flying back to Manhattan. He was enjoying the life he had built for himself.

Although he travelled often, he loved his wife and his kids dearly and was making plans with his wife for when he retired.

O’Kelly suddenly started experiencing headaches and a loss of control over one side of his face. After a series of medical tests, he learned that he had an inoperable brain tumor and was given less than three months to live. That was the instant when his entire life changed.

He resigned from his job and began planning his death in as organized a manner as he planned his life, arranging the logistics of settling his estate and doing the spiritual work of coming to terms with his “transition”.

On the top of his list was to “close the book” on his most valuable connections. He made a list of his most important professional and personal relationships.

He began by sending letters to many people on the list informing them of the news and explaining what their relationship had meant to him. He then began scheduling final phone calls or in-person meetings, consisting of long walks, meals and other unique outings.

He created “precious moments “ with those he valued most and he made those moments memorable, with the understanding that it would be the last time he would see that person.

He writes in his memoir that these moments were the best days of his life, having spent them in unique ways with the people most important to him.

I think O’Kelly’s insight and wisdom offer each of us a possible plan for reconnecting with the people who matter most when this pandemic passes. Many of us are thinking about how quickly we can “get away” and blow off some steam along with some savings.

Gratefully, most of us have the luxury of replicating O’Kelly’s approach without the burden of knowing it is the last time we see that person.

I can’t think of a better way to plan a return to “normal” than to consider how we can create a few of these precious moments with the people that matter most to us. This is the time to let others know what they mean to us with both our words and actions.

Who do you need a precious moment with?

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The Joys Of Introversion

 

Introversion is much deeper than what one sees on the outside. Identifying an introvert isn’t simple. It’s not in how quiet or shy they are, how soothing and calm their voice is, or whether they are socially awkward or not.

There’s a lot more to introverts than meets the eye.

Someone who’s an introvert can be extroverted in energy and still get their energy from a very different place. One can be an introvert and appear extroverted on the surface.

The secret in knowing whether you’re introverted or not is in knowing how you “fill your cup”. Where do you get your energy? And how do you refuel?

We all know that you can’t pour from an empty cup and, as introverts, we feel restful after time spent in contemplation or alone in nature.

What marks an introvert is their deep need to be alone. We recharge through solitary activity and reflection. There is so much joy and fulfillment in having the time and space to ponder by oneself.

Introverts need far less stimulation than extroverts. They prefer environments that are not overstimulating. This all circles back to energy and where they get it from. As an introvert myself, I often feel overwhelmed by groups of people. Suffocated by too many sights or sounds. I sometimes feel drained and depleted of energy after spending too much time with other people’s energy.

I think a lot of people think that introverts are antisocial. That they don’t like socializing or they don’t like being around people. But, in my case, that can’t be farther from the truth.

Social introverts tend to be mislabeled.

As a social introvert myself, I love socializing. But I need to do it in small doses. Seemingly extroverted on the outside, we often get mistaken as young souls — always on the lookout for excitement, adventure and novelty, new experiences and interesting people. I think I’m a prime example of one — naturally lively, chatty and enthusiastic — I get excited over the smallest of things. I can walk up to anyone and start a conversation without hesitation.

But I think there’s a lot more souls out there like us. Wishing to be heard and desiring to be understood. I need time to peacefully reflect — in hobbies, in nature, in a journal. I can spend 70–90% of my day without seeing another fellow soul and thoroughly enjoy it. I don’t get lonely. Seeing my neighbors on my walks is enough socialization for me. This is why I choose the writing work that I do — so I can spend my time in silence and work independently.

Time to myself refuels my energy to the point where I can give abundantly to others — socially and creatively. I look forward to the day when I can spend the majority of my days in contemplation and creation.

I think that what it all comes down to is that we judge others too hastily. Too quickly do we make assumptions and assume that we know everything about a person’s innermost self. That we label them as one personality or another and move on. Our minds are so eager to put labels on people. So eager to put people into categories.

I think that, from now on, instead of telling others that I’m a social introvert, I’ll say “I light up energetically by being alone”.

Process + Batch = Productive Life

 

Productivity is not about doing more. It’s about making better use of your time. So it’s about being effective. If you want to be effective about your productivity and your time, you should have a good system in place.

The following are tips that you can implement TODAY and they will help you immediately.

Give Yourself a Space to Get Organized

This is really about a consistency that you build. So space means giving yourself time to plan things, to organize things, to figure things out. You can’t expect to be “go-go-go” all the time — jam packing your schedule and expect to have extra time out of nowhere to organize your life. You will have to give yourself an allotted time. One way is to give yourself an “admin day” where you spend a couple of hours doing the general upkeep to keep your life organized ( take things off your calendar that are done or no longer needed, file important papers, answer non-urgent emails, plan your tasks for the following week). For me, a good day to do this is Sunday. It resets my state of mind and allows me to start the new week with a solid foundation.

Keep Things Out of Your Head

The average human can remember about seven things in their short-term memory. This means we cannot trust our short-term memory — I know I can’t. For this reason, it’s a good idea to get into the habit of “brain-dumping” everything that comes to mind. Write everything down — always take notes of the reminders and information. The Notes app is one of the easiest and most popular places to do this. You can worry about organizing it later.

Build a System You Can Trust

This may take more time and a lot of tweaking as you go. There are physical ways and digital ways to do this. You have to test things out and see what works best for you. For a to-do list you can use a notepad, sticky notes, a daily planner, or bullet journaling. For more complex tasks or project management, you can use apps like Trello or Todoist. For your calendar you can use Google Calendar or Fantastical or just your traditional analog calendar. My personal favorites are the Notes app on the phone and the Google calendar.

It’s important when you build your system that it is as accessible and flexible as possible for it to remain effective. If something is too complicated for you, you probably won’t keep it up. I personally like bullet journaling because it sparks my creativity.

Events vs. Tasks

Events are specific to timing and should go in your calendar because they happen at a specific time and you need to block out your calendar for them. Tasks are not necessarily things that require a specific timing so they need to go into your to-do list. There are certain times where tasks have a deadline so you want to schedule them in your calendar. Personally, I schedule tasks on my Google calendar using a different color from that of the events. This keeps everything in front of me every time I look at the calendar.

Batch Similar Tasks Together

I LOVE this one! When you switch from one task to another, you lose effectiveness because your brain takes time to recalibrate and prepare to do another task. You also lose efficiency just by preparing to do the physical things. Example: From writing an email to going out and doing an errand.

So the trick is to batch similar tasks together so that you stay in that flow. You can set a specific time when you’re going to do all your emails. Batch your errands together and do all the things you need to do when you’re out. Batch your planning together, batch writing together, batch your calls together, batch your meetings together — you get the drift.

Do the Most Important Tasks First

You have to get good at prioritizing what is most important for you. What would be the most impactful things that you need to get done today? This is difficult to do as we tend to do the easy things first.

The trap of doing the easy things first is that you make it hard for yourself to do the other things later in the day.

Process All of your “Life Inboxes” Regularly

This could mean your email inbox, your physical mail, or anything that tends to pile up on your desk. You want to have a system where you regularly check in to process this stuff. Otherwise it really builds up and you get overwhelmed and this leads to procrastination. Generally, you want to decide what items to archive, what items to save to deal with later, what items to “star” as important to deal with immediately, and what items that are quick to deal with that you can do at that moment.

Plan Your Day the Night Before

I love the feeling of waking up and seeing my to-do list ready and my important tasks ready to tackle. Setting some time to plan the night before can make all the difference in your day -and your life.

Change Your Mornings, Change Your Life

Successful people know that mornings are a crucial part of their day. For this reason, they carefully choose what they do with their time before their work day gets underway. When you start your day right, it has a positive effect your day.

Here are some the habits of successful people, which you too can start practicing.

It’s important to realize that by implementing these habits into your life, you will not become automatically successful but if we look at successful people and we model what they do, we have a higher chance of ourselves becoming successful like them.

Wake Up Early

If you’re not a morning person, you should consider becoming one. Successful people know that their time is valuable. The more they can squeeze out of their day, the better. Ninety percent of executives say they are in the habit of waking up before 6am. Fifty percent of self-made millionaires say they wake up 3 hours before their work day actually begins.

Make Your Bed

This may not seem that important, but it is. Just about every successful person says they make their bed in the morning. This takes about a minute at most. Think of it as a ritual that says “I am starting my day”.

Hydrate

Successful people make sure to properly hydrate themselves in the morning. We all know that hydrating ourselves is healthy. But drinking water right when you get up has many health benefits. In fact, successful hydration has a positive effect on your mental clarity, energy and mood.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness enables you to clear your head, keep calm, and detach ourselves from the stress of daily life. By adapting yourself to a morning mindfulness routine to start your day, you too can relieve your stress. This enables you to discipline your emotional state and enables you to face the challenges of the day with calm focus. This can be as simple as watching the sunrise, taking some deep breaths, or listening to the birds chirping outside your window. Sit and enjoy the morning calm for a few minutes.

Exercise

Successful people realize that their health affects their mental performance. Mornings offer a great opportunity for activating your body. It also means that you no longer have to find time for this later in the day.

Stimulate the Brain

In additional to exercising the body, it’s also important to exercise the brain. There are many ways to do this; reading, taking an on-line quiz, working through a crossword puzzle — just to name a few. Regularly exercising the brain can further enhance your mental capabilities.

Take a Cold Shower

Some successful people will tell you that having the mental fitness to endure that cold water makes them feel like they can endure anything. There are other benefits as well; showering with cold water improves your circulation and heart health, it can also help clear your mind.

Dress Simply

Trying to decide what you’re going to wear every morning can waste a lot of your time. One approach is to automate this task — wear the same type of outfit every day. That way, you don’t have to think about it too much. You don’t have to wear the exact same clothes every day — just stick to a specific style of clothes that you can mix and match.

Spend Quality Time with Loved Ones

Successful people make sure they have time for their family. They make quality time a part of their mornings. Spending time with those dear to you is beneficial in a number of ways; you actually eat healthier, it helps reduce stress and, yes, it makes you happier. People who exchange their thoughts and feelings with family actually become more confident.

Keep Up To Date

Successful people keep themselves well informed of new developments. After all, something important that could affect their work or business could have happened overnight. Some overseas development or incident at work might have a real impact. It’s better to be prepared than to be taken by surprise. Just avoid focusing on news that is negative or unimportant.

Take Time for Reflection

Many successful people take time to express gratitude and set goals for the day. Even if it’s just a few minutes, taking the time to express the things you are grateful for every morning helps you put your busy existence into perspective. You can also write your “to-do’s” for the day — both professional and personal tasks you want to accomplish. Take time to prioritize them as well. An organized day is an effective day. When you see how much you’ve accomplished at the end of the day, you will get a real feeling of success that will motivate you for the next day.

Listen to Something Inspiring

Inspiration is important to success — no matter what form it takes. Successful people take time in the morning to listen to something that inspires them. It could be a podcast on success, some uplifting music or anything that motivates them to get to work. If you do this, you will soon feel a positive difference and become even better at what you do.

Practice Visualization

You’ve probably heard that great athletes visualize their performance before they actually do it. This is a powerful tool that many successful people use. Whatever they achieve has already happened in their mind’s eye.

Tackle the Highest Priority

To start the day in the best way possible, successful people begin with their highest paid task.They know how easy it is to procrastinate or get distracted by lower priority work. That way they force themselves to get started and make it part of their morning routine. After all, the most difficult part of a task is actually getting started. Once you get going, making progress on that task will make the rest much easier.

Begin the Night Before

Ok. So this one is not really a part of a morning routine. However, how you end your day affects how you will start the next day. A bad nighttime routine can have a negative impact. Successful people make sure that their evenings are conducive to a good night’s sleep. They have an evening routine that includes what time they stop work, or even stop thinking about it. Your evening routine can lay the foundation for a productive and motivating morning.

Try these tips out and see which ones work for you until you have a complete morning ritual. Make sure you follow your morning routine every day and success will follow. 

"Have To" or "Want To" - You Choose

 

So you are working on getting rid of your unwanted items at home, but think about when was the last time you took an inventory of your smartphone’s contents?

In my journey toward minimalism, I’m learning to master the art of digital minimalism, this is a term made popular by Cal Newport, author of Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.

In his book, Newport makes a case for a total digital decluttering, a task that requires rethinking our relationship with technology. As he defines it, “digital minimalism” is an “intentional approach to technology that involves a limited number of online activities”.

In order to digitally declutter, you have to become the kind of person who can step away from their phone without worrying that your friends are sharing memes without you.

Here are some ways you can pull this off…

You shouldn’t call it a detox.

Like “juice cleanse”, it implies it’s a quick break. Taking a break from technology only to return to it later doesn’t help anything in the long run. Instead, use “digital declutter”, where you remove most apps are from your phone or tablet at the simultaneously. You take everything off and, after some reflection, you can add back the apps that really matter. Think of it as Marie Kondo for your phone.

The best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t.

Marie Kondo

Consider your daily data.

I receive a push notification every Sunday that tells me exactly how much time I’ve wasted (most of it is wasted) looking at my screen. Unbelievably enough, every week, I was dedicating one entire day to my phone. Whether that time was spent looking at email, refreshing my Instagram or Facebook feed, or texting back and forth with my friends didn’t matter — it was enough to convince me to change my consumption habits.

Do an app audit.

Digital decluttering applies to your phone, but it also comes in handy for fitness trackers, smart home devices, tablets, and laptops. Newport suggests deleting any digital tools that claim your time and attention outside of work. The other suggestion is to temporarily step away from all social media, streaming videos, online news, and digital games. It would even benefit you to cut back on text messaging. This process sounds intense, because it is. After all, the goal is to minimize low-quality digital distractions in exchange for a life well lived.

Take a 30-day break.

The key to digital decluttering is committing to staying away for a month. So long, Instagram and Facebook! Avoiding attention-demanding online behaviors will let you carve out time to live your own life more intentionally, without feeling the need to check in on anyone else’s.

The objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment. Marie Kondo

You must avoid the “quick glance”.

You need more than willpower to help you make it through digital decluttering. The urgent impulse to check your device will automatically arrive at the slightest hint of boredom. Newport calls this the “quick glance”. Many mobile-adapted websites have been optimized to deliver an immediate and satisfying dose of input, which explains why we are constantly checking to make sure we didn’t miss a text, tweet, notification, or call.

Shed the constant companion.

According to Newport, having your phone with you at all times is called the “constant companion”. You break this habit by first doing more things without your phone. If possible, leave it at home next time you run out for groceries or walk the dog. Then, when you’re home, leave your device by the front door — treat it like a home phone. Remember those?

If you’re worried about missing an important call, put the ringer on loud. If you want to look something up or check texts, do so by your front door. This simple method can help transform your relationship with technology at home.

Redesign your free time.

During this decluttering period, think about what activities really matter to you. Incorporating daily hobbies like exercising, reading, or doing creative projects, leads to a high-quality leisure life that helps fulfill you over time. You can start doing these things before you make the break. Then you’ll know what to do to fill your time once you no longer have a screen to stare at.

Let the tech back in.

There is no doubt that a digital declutter can change our daily life. But the tech break does come to an end after 30 days, at which point you can log back on. Do yourself a favor and only add back the apps that directly amplify or support the things you really care about. The ones that “spark joy”.