The Dawning of Doomsday

 

The day Alexa went on vacation…

On a gloomy Tuesday morning in December, my wake-up alarm did not go off and I overslept. Alexa failed to turn on the lights and announce the indoor and outdoor temperature. The time on my cell phone and the time on the analog clock that I had for decorative purposes were different. Looking outside and seeing that the sun was high in the sky confirmed that the time on the analog clock was correct. My cable wasn’t working either. So, I was not able to watch my informative morning show to start the day. The wrong time on my cell phone was concerning — did this mean the apps weren’t working either?

It became clear that there had been an internet outage. It felt as though I had fallen upon dark times, taken back to the prehistoric age. Lucky for me, today was my day to work from home so I wasn’t running late to an office job. But that was going to challenging without being able to access my google calendar and not having a clue as to what I had to do today.

Looking in my refrigerator for something to have for breakfast, I’m reminded (not by Alexa — by my own brain-almost forgot I had one) that I needed to get some groceries. That was going to be challenging since Alexa was keeping a list of the groceries I needed to buy. When I managed to scrounge something to eat, having breakfast without the noise of the TV or even a podcast was scaringly boring.

Having experienced some internet outages lately, mostly while at the office, I know that they can occur due to censorship, cyberattacks, disasters, police or security services actions or errors. My neighbor, who has a land line but claims she doesn’t know the first thing about troubleshooting, called her internet service provider, who explained that the internet outage was a major one. It wasn’t just affecting us, but a wider area and a large number of people.

So what does one do when this type of internet outage occurs? Pick up a book? Go outside and admire the sun? Smell some flowers? Instead, I decided to cry in the mirror, yell at my internet service provider and nervously pace back and forth.

I recall having a short-term outage a few months ago on a Saturday afternoon. I was sitting at home, surfing the web on my phone. My laptop was streaming Netflix and my tablet was streaming a funny YouTube video. I was having a nice, relaxing time, when all of a sudden, it all stopped. My movie stopped playing. Google wouldn’t load. My cat videos were paused right before the funny part. I repeatedly clicked “refresh” and asked God “why me?”.

In this age of technology, we are all wired up and plugged in. The slightest disruption to internet services causes us to lose track of the world around us. It’s a scary thought. And with more and more people plugged in than ever before, internet outages are more and more common.

Does this mean we can go back to spending time being bored and doing nothing? On the metro, in line at Starbucks, even in the shower?

We can go back to sending telegrams and Western Union will have to open up its doors that closed in 2006 due to the internet and cell phones. We can go back to see our doctors since we can’t look up symptoms and self diagnose. Average people will no longer have a chance to be celebrities.

If you happen to know anyone who still has an actual “landline” (not through a cable/internet provider) and a phonebook, be prepared to literally pay a pretty penny to use them — and make that cash!

Wristwatches can go back to their functional purpose instead of a fashion piece, so make sure they have a working battery. Hello records, goodbye Pandora, Spotify, iHeart Radio and Slacker. Perhaps some of those stores we loved in our childhood like Sam Goody, Blockbuster and Moviefone, which also shut down due to the internet, will make a comeback.

We may sleep more. We may work more. We may socialize, party and relax more! We may even memorize phone numbers!

I think I may use some of the cash I have lying around the house to go buy a newspaper tomorrow and find out what ‘s going on and, while I’m at it, the weather and some of the sports scores.

It’s a good thing I decided to keep some of my cookbooks — now I can dust them off, leaf through them and decide what to make and eat. Alexa’s on vacation — maybe even a permanent one.

Like those now distant pre-internet days, I’ll have to physically go to the bank, or at least call it (using my neighbor’s land line) to check my balance and take cash out. I’m so glad I actually have a PRINTED list of my bank account numbers and passwords. We may soon be waving goodbye to PayPal, BillPay and Bitcoin.

It’s nice to have old neighbors, mine even have an entire set of Encyclopedia Brittanica (went out of print in 2011 because of… you guessed it) that I can use for research for my articles.

Singles can go back to meeting at bars or dog parks. No need to take a nice selfie or create a profile, a real smile and face-to-face conversation may do the trick. Privacy and anonymity may be back and maybe even serendipity.

My friends, if this is permanent, it’s time go outside, become confused and disoriented by the “real world”, paint our feelings and complain to our congressman if need be. It is the younger generation who will feel overwhelmed. The tables have turned. We don’t need texting; we can conquer the world sending notes in cursive to each other. We’ll sure miss those cat videos though.