A serious issue for social animals that need each other…
Ghosting is a slang term for the practice of cutting off all communication without an explanation. These days, it extends to many things. Most of us think about it in the context of “digital departure” as in a friend not responding to a text, or worse, a lover. The term originated in the early 2000s, referring to dating and romantic relationships. During the following decade, it has expanded to refer to similar situations among friends, family members, employers and businesses. It happens across all social situations and it is tied to the way we view the world.
When we engage with social media or our cell phones, a chemical called Dopamine is released. It’s what makes us feel good. Dopamine is the same chemical that is released in our bodies when we find something we’re looking for — like your keys, when you go on Google, when you hit the goal or win the game — that sense of joy.
We know that we get a hit of Dopamine when our phones go buzz, bing, flash or beep. That’s why, if you’re feeling a little bit down, you pull out out your phone and you send 10 texts to 10 friends just saying “hi” and you hope that somebody texts you back because when they do, it feels GOOD.
There are other things that release Dopamine ( alcohol, nicotine , gambling). Almost all addictions are Dopamine based addictions. Ironically, we have age restrictions on alcohol, age restrictions on tobacco and gambling. But we have no age restrictions on social media or cell phones. It’s as if an entire generation has been allowed to throw open the liquor cabinet and encouraged to try the vodka to help them get through the teenage years. That’s what social media and cell phones do.
As a result, that connection is becoming hard-wired for too many people. As they grow up and face significant stress in their lives, instead of turning to a person, they turn to a device where they seek solace in social media, where they’ll check an Instagram post and how many likes we’re getting. Sometimes our own self worth is in how many followers we have. It can become devastating to us when somebody unfollows us. It seems an entire generation has grown up not having tactics or coping mechanisms for stress.
There is an entire generation that is growing up with lower self-confidence, going into a work force, having their self-image shattered, not knowing how to deal with all the stress that they’re facing when growing up and starting a career and finding out where they fit in. Instead of turning to a person, we’re turning to devices. They are not learning through a “journey”. As a result, this entire generation has an institutionalized sense of impatience. They are lacking the patience to go on the journey to maintain love, to feel fulfilled. Our swiping culture makes it easier than ever. They just swipe and on to the next. GHOST and on to the next.
Ghosting means the lack of skill to have a confrontation. To date somebody for six months, eight months, and then just stop replying. Just delete them from everything. For the person who’s doing the ghosting it’s certainly easier than a confrontation. For the person who is receiving the ghosting, it’s like there’s a death. They’re suddenly shunned, there’s panic, they call out, they’re worried. They think it’s you. They think it’s them. They take prescription anxiety medication.
We reap destruction on people by ghosting them. It’s because there is the lack of social skills to call out and ask for help, they internalize and it makes them feel awful to the point that many have killed themselves. Ghosting has been described by some mental health professionals as a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse or cruelty.
At the worst, they will go through life where “everything’s fine” — friendships are fine, work is fine, same old, same old. A kind of “numbing down” of society. Nothing is ever amazing. And the scavenger hunt continues.
What to do if you’re being ghosted? Some say the best plan is to face reality. It looks like this person has no character and chose easy over integrity. It means they are inconsiderate and don’t care much about the impact or consequences of their actions.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. No matter what you feel, it’s all valid. Amp up your self-care and avoid dwelling on it. It is not advisable to contact them but do seek someone to talk about it with. Try not to isolate yourself and get back into life, plan activities with friends to avoid overthinking and anxiety.
It may take time and effort but closure is the best gift you can give yourself.
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