The Art of Affirmation

Most of us will agree that positive leadership and affirmation are critical in times of crisis. How can you get the best out of people?

The answer is praise. But we’re not just talking about complementing people. You need to start addressing their most treasured traits and values.

This is where affirmation steps in. It’s all about creating a structure that supports and encourages people to put their best foot forward. Doing this is a skill that, much like others, can be learned.

Affirmation is much more effective than just a simple compliment

Hard evidence has proven that the human brain craves affirmation. Neuroscientific research carried out over the last twenty years shows that the brain responds physically to positive emotional feedback. It releases neurochemicals that increase our sense of wellbeing and that boosts our performance overall.

“Affirmation” comes from the Latin noun affirmatio, derived from the verb “to strengthen” or “fortify”. Real affirmation, then, is deeper than just a compliment. It’s all about accompanying someone through a process and offering consistent reinforcement, constructive feedback and high praise when it’s deserved.

When working with a team, the best way to convey your support for a team member is to focus on their strong points — what they really care about.

You’ll find four different personality types in the workplace:

The Doers: they are all about getting things done. Sometimes that is synonymous with a bullish insensitivity to other teammates. In order to affirm a doer, you’d better praise them for doing a great job on a presentation or meeting a tough deadline.

The Advocates: they are people-oriented and are seeking to be included. To show them support, focus on their role of holding the team together and keeping the morale up among the team members.

The Idealists: they are the dreamers who think big and care about integrity. In order to affirm their work you would thank them for reminding everyone of the original values of the team or company.

The Challengers: they question the status quo and are always on the lookout for new ways to approach the job at hand and get it done. To affirm them, emphasize on the value of their original way of looking at projects.

Highlighting these qualities in people in the workplace has two possible outcomes. Firstly, it shows them that you’re interested in and aware of their hard work and achievements rather than focusing on company goals. Second, that type of deep affirmation leaves people feeling supported and they are even more determined to go forward.

Avoid criticism — it has a lasting negative effect on the brain.

Criticism undermines our ability to think abstractly and creatively and engage in self-reflection. This weakens our resourcefulness and self-confidence. A study showed that criticism activates the amygdala part of the brain which is responsible for the flight-or-fight response to life-threatening situations.

If you really want to affirm others, it’s important to develop a high level of self-awareness and be able to manage your emotions, thinking and ideas.

The takeaway? Keep affirmation and praise public and criticism private!

The Wisdom in Fiction

I became a lover of words when I learned how to read. Words have the power to move me like nothing else can.

By the time I was twelve, I was reading all the time. Aside from my school assigned reading, fiction is what I loved to read- and still do. You could find me, on any given night, hiding in the closet with a flashlight reading fiction long after I was supposed to be in bed. My heart always begging to be in the middle of an incredible story.

In fact, I covered my fiction books with the Dictionary book cover so I could read anywhere (even in class sometimes) and no one would know what I was reading. Everyone thought I was so smart.

They say the power of stories lies in the experiences of losing one’s self. They become a journey in discovering things about ourselves, each other, and the world we share.

Fiction amplifies your creativity

Our imagination thrives off art. Fiction is an awe-inspiring example of art that allows ample room for interpretation. In other words: You’re given a direction, but you create the path. With expanded creativity, you find new ideas that can take any project to the next level.

A 2011 study published in the Annual Review of Psychology, analyzing fMRI brain scans, showed that when participants read about an experience, they exhibit stimulation within the same neurological regions as when they live through that experience themselves.

Fiction, like literature, provides a cozy escape that offered refuge from the often cruel world of my adolescence. It made the real world a little more manageable. In the worlds of fictional characters we learn great truths and immeasurable wisdom.

I have fond memories of reading fiction: when I stayed in bed on a beautiful day just to finish a book, showed up late to events because of a chapter that I just had to finish, and the moments I escaped from an unsettling mood to jump into an unexpected journey.

There are so many truly inspirational pieces of wisdom we learn from characters. We connect to them in their strengths and we see ourselves in their humanity. Fiction helps us see the best and the worst in the world.

Fiction writers help their audiences see the world in a new way. They expose feelings and ideas that have always been there, under the surface, within their readers. Fiction helped me understand life.

To this day, it’s always nice to know that beautiful stories that lie in fiction are awaiting me; even in today’s world of reality television and social media, they’ve never left.

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I believe that, with this great wisdom I have gained wisdom of my own to share.

What Makes Travel So Thrilling?

One of the things I have missed the most during the time of Covid was traveling. Like so many others, I had to cancel my travel plans and don’t know if I will be able to make any between now and the end of the year.

It isn’t a coincidence that travel makes most of us feel invincible. Like magic. It’s addictive. But there is a science behind the joy we feel from it.

Our brains are novelty-driven. Neurobiologists have known that a novel environment sparks exploration and learning, but very little is known about whether the brain really prefers novelty as such. The ‘novelty center’ of the brain — called the substantia nigra/ventral tegmental area (SN/VTA) -might be activated by the unexpectedness of a stimulus, the emotional arousal it causes, or the need to respond behaviorally.

I can totally agree that the happiest part of the vacation is right before I arrive. However, research shows that the happiest part, in fact, is when we are planning our vacations. Studies show that everyone experiences pre-trip happiness — who doesn’t like the anticipation of good times ahead? Post-trip happiness, on the other hand, is all dependent on how relaxing the trip ended up being.

Not all of us like throwing ourselves out of our comfort zones or even out of a plane with a parachute on our back. That’s because not all of us are natural risk takers. In fact, most of us opt for the easy options and the travel destinations we know and love.

Recent studies show that risk taking might be contagious. So be aware what kind of people you surround yourself with. If you want to take more risks but you’re afraid, find friends who are living on the edge. It was also discovered that there is a part of the brain called caudate nucleus that responds to risks.

So if you are surrounded by avid risk takers, your caudate nucleus might be stimulated more than normal. This explains why previously cautious people tend to become adventurers once they find friends who “live on the edge”.

Research has proven that vacations can also prevent the incidence of heart disease. Studies show that travel will make you 30% less likely to die from a heart-related cause. A vacation helps you reduce stress levels, reconnect with your friends and the environment and do more things you love. How’s that for an excuse to go on vacation more often?

Need more creativity in your life? Travel is just the ticket! Scientific studies have proven that there is a correlation between travel and creativity. It will help you to be more open-minded, innovative, and it will give your self-confidence a boost. Engaging in local culture is the key to getting your creative juices flowing. How good it feels to immerse yourself in the experience and allow yourself to adapt to a new environment! The more you can soak up the experiences that travel has to offer, the more the creative side of your brain will flourish. Some people feel more alive when they travel and visit unfamiliar places or foreign countries because, at those times, sense perception and experiencing takes up more of their consciousness than thinking. They become more present.

Sometimes it’s difficult to decide what to spend your money on. Well, (yes, you guessed it!) A study has shown that people who spend money on experiences, rather than on objects, are happier. While an object can have a permanent place in our lives, compared to a fleeting experience, it doesn’t make us happier.

The joy of an experience can stay for a lifetime.

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Survivors Against Great Odds

Homelessness is a cause that is near and dear to me.  Not because I am, or ever have been, homeless. But because I am the co-founder of a non-profit organization dedicated to providing donated purses filled with toiletries to the homeless women on the streets.

We started this non-profit because we refused to look the other way when we saw homeless people on the streets. During these difficult times for those of us who are NOT homeless, it’s even more important to have an awareness of this cause.

Homeless women face a myriad of health risks when living on the street.  These include violence and assault, mental illness, hygiene, HIV/Aids and child care issues among others. Living on the street, in a car, or in an abandoned building can be tough.  Sometimes even life-threatening.

We often don’t realize how these little things can impact our days, but people living on the streets and in shelters deeply appreciate access to these items which typically aren’t so easy for them to come by.
When we asked people who volunteer and work at food pantries and homeless shelters what items are rarely donated, they would undoubtedly say, “toiletries”.

Imagine going for days without brushing your teeth, combing your hair, changing your socks or taking a shower.  Or having your period wih no sanitary products and instead relying on crumpled newspaper or old food wrappers.  That’s everyday life for many homeless people.

Wearing clean socks and using tampons instead of food wrappers can avoid infections, keeping homeless people healthier and saving communities in medical costs.

When it comes to eating, usually, an average homeless could have no more than 6 meals over 6 days.  There are some churches that feed the homeless and they might be able to get a sandwich.  On the average, after being homeless for six months, the homeless person is used to not eating for two to three days in a row.

These are places like homeless shelters, drop-ins and soup kitchens, which provide food for people who are poor, including people who are homeless. These programs take many different forms. Some more traditional 'soup kitchens' provide hot meals or sandwiches once or several times a day while supplies last.

Research has found that the average homeless person has a life expectancy of 47, compared to 77 for the rest of the population: a startling difference of 30 years. The life expectancy for women was even lower, at just 43 years.  They are survivors of great odds.


Let’s admit it…

When you think of a homeless person, a certain stereotype comes to mind. A middle-aged to older man who's addicted to drugs and too lazy to get a job. You think it's their own fault that they're living on the streets.

It’s important to be aware that the top four causes of homelessness are (1) lack of affordable housing, (2) unemployment, (3) poverty, (4) mental illness and the lack of needed services, and (5) substance abuse and the lack of needed services.

Some say that helping the homeless is “putting a Band-Aid” on the problem of homelessness.  I feel it’s important to provide dignity to those living on the streets while the bigger, much more complicated issue of finding them housing is pursued.  Resources that can help them be healthy while we try to find housing are essential.

Let’s not lose sight of the fact that there is a fine line between having a home and being homeless. Many people are living only one paycheck away from homelessness, and this includes families in every area of every state.

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Breaking Up....With Your Phone

Do you occasionally spend more time with your phone than intended? Do you scroll without any sense of direction? Do you find yourself communicating more with people via your phone, rather than in real life? Do you keep your phone switched on in bed? Do you tend to stop what you’re doing so you can respond to something on your phone?

If you answer “yes” to questions like these, chances are you’re addicted to your phone.

This may seem harmless and common enough, but in truth, all that time spent staring at the phone screen is not healthy. Not only will constantly using a smartphone will prevent from being aware of what’s happening around you. Much more seriously, these phones are addictive because they are designed to be that way. Using them for a little bit is fine but letting your phone usage accumulate can become a big problem.

Would you agree that, if you made a decision to “break up with your phone”, you wouldn’t know how to get the most out of all that free time you’ll find yourself with?

Whichever way you look today you’ll most likely see people- including children – glued to their phones.

This is not just an anecdote. There is clear data. The average American checks his or her phone an average of 47 times each day. In the 18-24 age bracket, this number shoots up to a whooping 82 times per day. This means Americans spend and average of 4 hours a day with their phones. That’s 28 hours per week, essentially the same thing as having a fairly busy part-time job!

Most of the time on the phone is spent on social media – which relies on the presence of a certain hormone in the brain called dopamine. When dopamine is released, it attaches to pleasure receptors in the brain and we experience pleasure. When a specific activity, such as looking at social media, causes dopamine to be released, we engage with it more often.

The downside to dopamine, however, is that it can also generate undesirable addictions and cravings.

Dopamine Labs, which creates algorithms for social media apps, claims each algorithm is designed to trigger a dopamine release in the brain of the individual user. That way, they’ll keep using their phones and continue interacting with the specific app for longer periods of time and the user becomes hooked.

You may get on your phone to make a phone call or send a text and an ad, link or pop-up may appear on your screen. Before you know it, you’re surfing the web or checking emails, rather than doing what you intended.

Phones can interfere with your short-term memory

Every time you glance at your phone, your short-term memory is prevented from retaining information about what’s going on in the real world. After all, the working memory can only keep track of a few things at the same time. Good luck remembering who you just met at a networking party if you’re receiving a stream of notifications via social media.

Not only do you not need your phone in bed, you should try to avoid it in the hours before going to bed as well. It may surprise you to know that sleep disruption, as caused by phones, can lead to chronic fatigue. This can result in more severe illnesses, such as cardiovascular disease.

If you decide you want to reduce your phone usage, there are tracking apps like Moment or Offtime that can record how often you look at your phone, and the amount of time you spend on your phone each day.

Breaking up with your phone could, for instance, give you the opportunity to learn a new language, or to spend quality time with loved ones. The choice is yours.

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The Reinvention Artist

Do you ever feel like you must remold your life to fit in with our fast-paced modern world? I do.

We are living in an era of constant change. Whether it’s technology, work, or even politics, the ground seems to be constantly shifting beneath our feet. We seem to have to face new challenges daily, and we have to continuously adapt if we want to be successful.

It’s clear that the world is not going to adapt to us — so it’s time for us to start adapting to it.

One of the ways to adapt is to avoid letting your degree or job title define you.

It may surprise you to know that the latest projects Google is working on as a company are not search related at all. They are working on building an automated car, developing a bracelet to cure cancer and connecting remote areas to Wi-Fi through stratospheric balloons.

Some of history’s most famous people have also been the most creative. Pablo Picasso created 50,000 works of art, which averages at two per day. Jimi Hendricks recorded enough music to fill nearly 70 albums, despite having lived only 27 years.

That’s not to say you need to churn out work every minute to be creative — but high production helps you sharpen your talents. Hence the saying “Practice Makes Perfect”.

The writer Barbara Cortland is an inspirational example of how much you can accomplish if you put in the work. In 1983, she set the world record for writing 23 novels in a single year.

Her passion was for romance writing and she wrote every day. Due to her dedication, she published 723 novels and sold 600 million copies of them.

Find your passion by thinking back to your childhood and practice it every day.

Try to recall your childhood and ask yourself; What did I love doing or dream of doing back then? Which activity made me lose my sense of time while doing it or imagining doing it?

There is your calling. It may not seem practical — even if it was childish, it can still give you a starting point from which to set out.

Your burning desire is the key

Imagine waking up every morning feeling so motivated and excited about the day ahead that you bolt out of bed. Is this your present reality? It’s time to identify the goals and activities that will fill you with excitement to start your day and go after your passions.

Consider the story of Wayne Dyer. To say the odds were stacked against him would be an understatement; he was an orphan who spent his childhood bouncing between foster homes. He was able to earn a PhD in educational counseling and become a professor. Then he wrote his first book, Your Erroneous Zones, which sold a whopping 35 million copies.

At first, his book sold only 5,000 copies, which he considered a failure. So, he decided to buy all the unsold books from his publisher and go on a cross-country adventure, visiting bookstores in person to convince them to sell his book.

He also tried to appear on national television to market his book, but he was rejected by all the producers he approached. But he did not give up; he drove from station to station to promote his book face to face. He was able to take his initial sales numbers and multiply them by 7,000!

What about rapper Eminem? He grew up in a poor family in a trailer park, suffered many tribulations, which continued until he was a young adult with a slew of familial betrayals and bad jobs.

Rather then stewing in his troubles, he transformed them into material for the rap lyrics that would eventually propel him from underground rap battles in Detroit to worldwide stardom, with 220 million in record sales under his belt.

So you’ve identified the talent that is your calling. Mission accomplished, right?

Not quite. You’ve ignited your inner fire, but now you need to keep fueling it. One way to do it is to keep practicing. This takes great willpower. Determination is the key to success; without it, your talent will fade out before it takes you very far.

Every time you decide on your business or career, ask yourself, “Was my decision fear-based or growth-oriented?” Many decisions are made from fear — such as fear of going broke.

When you make a fear-based decision, it usually points toward an insecurity. You might stay in a job you hate because you’re afraid you won’t find another one. Fear-based decisions almost always lead to regret.

Here’s some actionable advice…

Every day write down ten ideas for new ways you could go after your passions. If you get into a daily habit of writing down ten ideas per day, you’ll generate 3,650 ideas in a single year. Each of these ideas represents one possible path you could take toward achieving your goals and living out your passions. Out of all those ideas, at least one or two of them will take you closer to where our want to be.

In today’s fast-paced world, the only constant is change. Companies go bankrupt, technologies become obsolete and governments change their policies. In order to succeed in this world, we need to become Reinvention Artists who master the art of reinventing ourselves in order to make our way through the shifting waters of the modern world and reach success.

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A New Chapter Awaits the Widow

Widow – (noun) a woman that has lost her spouse by death and has not remarried; origin (Old English) – widewe – meaning ‘be empty’.



Finding your ideal partner can be difficult, but losing one is horribly tough – and a common cause of loneliness.  Widows and face living in an environment filled with material reminders of their loved one which may constantly spark feelings of nostalgia and hurt.  Many women are blindsided by this because, as a couple, they didn’t talk about the inevitable.



Not only do you lose the person you love and your partner in life, but your children and grandchildren also lose their father and grandfather.  You must deal with all of this by yourself because the one person who is supposed to help you during hard times is gone.



Those who have never experienced the death of a spouse will not understand what you are going through.  They can’t.



Becoming a widow was the most terrible thing that ever happened to me.  Besides being heartbroken, I didn’t know what to expect or how to deal with some of the things that happened. In the moments when I was most vulnerable, I had to make choices that would have enduring impact on the rest of my life and well-being.



People around me seemed to feel awkward and just didn’t know how to handle the situation.  I felt like the whole world was watching me.  It was as if what happened to me is what everyone else is afraid of, so they just stare and pray they won’t become you one day.



Being widowed is a special kind of displacement, entirely different from any other kind of separation. You can be excluded from “couple friends”, exiled to the netherworld of single aging women and slimy men.  You sometimes almost feel like you don’t exist.  Unless you have another widowed friend, as I am ever so fortunate to have, no one really understands you. You are adjusting to a new and scary life. It’s kind of crippling.  But you learn along the way.



It may take a long time to go to events alone. This was one of the most difficult things for me. I would go to these events and spend a large part of the evening with a big fake smile on my face, trying not to cry.



Still, I was fortunate enough to have friends and family who were always trying to do whatever they could for me.  It made my life a little easier.



It may surprise you to know that, statistically, women are far more likely to be widowed and far less likely to remarry than men. Of the 13 million bereaved spouses in America today, 11 million are women.



As it is, some 800,000 women will lose their spouses this year.  They will be cast out into an unkind, unfriendly world of creditors, misunderstanding acquaintances, and overbearing relatives.



You will never be the same person you were before



This is not to say that you will never by happy again – you will.  But it is a different kind of happy.  You have to re-create your life.  The sadness and anger lessen, and you start trying to look at life in a positive way. 



One day, you find yourself smiling and laughing with new friends. You will feel comfortable going to a party and you will actually have fun. You may even see the possibility of finding love again.  



Losing my husband has become a part of me.  It no longer controls my every thought, but I now look at life in a new way. Not bad, or good, simply different.  For so long, I only wanted my old life back.  I now understand that this is never going to happen.  It was exceedingly difficult to accept, but now that I have, I am able to move on to a new chapter.  My life is my own again.



You will never forget losing the person you love.  It’s not easy, but at some point, you will find a way to create a new life for yourself.



There is another chapter out there waiting for you.



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